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Is your spouse “gaslighting” you?

On Behalf of | Feb 18, 2022 | Divorce

All couples have disagreements in their marriages. However, most couples manage to work through them without letting minor issues become major conflicts. But there is one factor that can destabilize a marriage and lead it to the breaking point: Gaslighting from one’s spouse.

Gaslighting by one spouse toward the other is an insidious problem. Below are some of the ways it could cause your marriage to implode.

A spouse uses gaslighting to isolate you

Everyone needs a trusted circle of friends and family to turn to when times get tough. These are the people who can reassure you that your perceptions of reality are accurate and true. But if you are being gaslit, the gaslighting spouse doesn’t want you to have your reality affirmed. Thus, they will begin to eliminate the people in your circle one by one.

Control is the ultimate goal

Gaslighters seek to control others, and the best way to do this is by controlling the narrative. If they can convince you that what happened did not occur, you begin not to trust your own instincts. Then, you will be forced to rely more on your gaslighter. Their control of you can become total.

They convince you the problems are all your fault

A gaslighter will never voluntarily admit they are at fault because that weakens their position. If they are not at fault for your marital problems, then it must be you who bears the blame. That can be a heavy cross to carry for the duration of a marriage. Realizing that you were gaslit, while it may be harsh to accept, can also be quite liberating. It can help you gain the strength to break free.

What can you do about gaslighting?

It might be a real challenge for you to gather the mental and emotional strength to confront your gaslighter about ending your marriage. You don’t have to make that determination alone. Accurate legal information and guidance can be key in satisfactorily resolving your marital situation in a way that protects your future.