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Tips to avoid playing the blame game during divorce

It is only human to find someone to blame when a marriage does not work out. Finding fault seems to make the situation easier, but in the long run, it can hurt both spouses and the family.

So, how can spouses pursuing a divorce avoid “the blame game?”

Contemplate your reasons for getting a divorce

Thinking about one's personal reasons for seeking a divorce can help individuals move away from blame. Getting a divorce might feel like the right decision, but identifying specific reasons can help individuals think clearly about:

  • Why they are seeking a divorce;
  • What they want for their future; and
  • Whether blame even exists.

There are many cases where one spouse can actually be at fault for the divorce in Virginia, whether they abandoned their spouse or engaged in infidelity. However, many times there is no blame–spouses simply have irreconcilable differences that break down the marriage.

Think first, then speak

This is especially important when speaking with a soon-to-be-ex-spouse and with the children. Individuals should be mindful of what they say, even if they do blame their spouse for the breakdown of the marriage.

It is helpful to use “I” statements. Starting conversations with “I feel…” or, “I think…” will help individuals to avoid casting blame, even if they believe their spouse is at fault.

Consider the big picture

Considering the big picture can be incredibly difficult when in the middle of a divorce. However, thinking about the past is often what leads to spouses blaming each other and arguing. Therefore, focusing on the present and the future can help spouses avoid blame.

This also helps individuals maintain a problem-solving approach throughout their divorce, instead of getting trapped in conflicts.

There is no doubt that divorce is stressful, but it does not have to be unmanageable. The experienced attorneys at Bowen Ten Cardani, PC, are committed to helping Virginia families navigate divorce efficiently and effectively so that they can move forward into their future with confidence.

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